Phoenix Rising

I know not when you first arrived. The facts are clear, there are reports, documentation stating the day, date and even down to the very second of your birth. Yes, all this is very clear. And still with all these facts I am still unclear as to your first arrival.
I shall explain, feebly stumbling through my thoughts, however I shall articulate to the best of my ability at this conundrum.
I woke one morning, no more remarkable then any other morning, but for one little thing. I, for the life of me, cannot remember what life was like before you. Certainly events and places, things one can mark on a calendar or write in a journal But for me, I can’t remember what it felt like when you were not there. Life without you never existed, never was and can never be. You my son, and I who wanted a girl, another daughter to hold and love. Another who is everything I am not. And then they announced it was a boy. My boy. Life without you never existed for you have always been there, nestled in the confines of my heart.